| Motivate me. |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|09:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | MGMT | ] |
I need to eat better I have been cooking more a lot more then I ever have but its still not enough I am heading towards a more vegan less processed sort of lifestyle. It's not entirely vegan though just less red meat. I am just looking for healthier at this point if anyone has any good recipes please suggest I love my crackpot, I recently got a rice cooker/steamer as a birthday present. I have a test tomorrow that I haven't studied for and its over procrastination, I love psychology. I have learned that its not procrastination if you do well, its only procrastination if you do bad or worse then intended. Some people do well in high pressure situations. Since I dropped my Psyh major I picked up the minor, I plan to take Abnormal and Cognitive psychology as my last two requirements for my minor. I still want to get into School psychology at some point in my life. I have learned so much as is about people/behaviors/words for things. Some of my favorites are sensory-specific satiety, melioration, hedonic reversal, mate poaching. My motivation/emotion psychology class is by far up there as most enjoyable class along with Psychology of sexual behavior. My Psychology of prejudice and discrimination class is also interesting but just so depressing, I learned about cognitive blindness by accident though which was cool. |
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| Happy Birthday!!! |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|08:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
Today is my birthday, I am 21. I changed my major yesterday, I will be here another year but I don't mind to much if I tweak a few things in my life then it won't be a big deal. It doesn't feel like a birthday but It will hopefully this weekend or the following when I can be back home around everyone that's important. Mathew but me a rice cooker but he says its one of many presents which makes me happy. Last year was a horrible birthday it was exactly like another day. Today is better for being a typical day but this weekend will be very good I hope. Me and Mat moved to a nice little house Saturday. Everything is almost unpacked but we severely need a book shelf and dresser. I am feel less stressed this week, last week was full of stress as is most of this semester but things will get better. The end of the semester is approaching. |
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| ideas... |
[Oct. 30th, 2009|11:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | complacent | ] |
I need to focus less on my someday possible career and more on myself. ME>>>:) All I do is work and study and learn. I never do any hobbies or anything that will entertain me. TV but its not as cultured and fulfilling as my other interests. Things I want to do;
*finish my Zine or at least remember to work on it.
*read more zines
*get back into Mac cosmetics
*Continue to find new and amazing recipes
*find new hobbies and interests
* write more jokes and maybe do something with them
On another note my health isn't getting better and I am curious to why most Rheumatoid medications are never initially meant for Rheumatoid? One I am on now is for initially for Cancer and used for abortions, Another medication I may be starting soon is meant initially for Malaria. I am learning of things, I have learned a lot about dreams and the sleep stages, homeostasis, certain aspects of evolutionary psychology, stress coping methods, and personality from a biological perspective and a motivational perspective, also categorization in relation to cognitive busyness. I would like to explore categorization more someday maybe in some sort of research project. I was interested in the extent people experience cognitive busyness on a daily basis and its overall general effect on aspects of that person's interactions. categorization is how within the first few seconds of a person seeing another person how they place that person in a category common ones are race, gender, and age. In certain situations you don't notice this which reflects the possibility of cognitive busyness when your mind is so busy and focused on a task you don't notice other things. This is most apparent in those experiments where a cashier is taking someones order drops something then stays down and a new person pops up in there place. The person doesn't realize that there is now a new person taking their order. |
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| all is well for now... |
[Oct. 12th, 2009|07:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
I know no one really reads this and I wouldn't really care if anyone did anyways. Its really more of a way of venting and remembering times and dates and places. This weekend was nice, I hung out with mat we went to Tim and Sara's housewarming party. I played apples to apples with Sara and Brooke. I watched the office wedding episode was really good. It's almost midterms which is a huge shock to me because it doesn't seem like it's that time. three more semesters and I will be done. I have been cooking more on the weekends. I am excited about it too. I will be making pumpkin soup soon and many healthy interesting foods. I finally have a roommmate she seems introverted like me. |
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| ... |
[Oct. 3rd, 2009|09:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
My weeks run together. My consistant business is getting to me. This past week I realized how bad the progression of my disease really was. I missed one pill and the entire week last week I felt bad. I will be helping mat move to a new place shortly. I am excited about fall even though so far its been cold. I have been keeping up with the Office since the new season started. It has been really good so far. I am excited about all the new things to come. |
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| today... |
[Sep. 9th, 2009|10:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
My best friend got married today it was so pretty it was very small only fifteen/twenty people if that showed up. It was today because of the 9/9/9 thing. I was the maid of honor. Its just so beautiful and crazy to me. We have been friends for about six years now we met when we where 14 years old. It just seems so weird to see each other grow up and look at the grown up things we do in comparison to what we where like six years ago. The wedding was beautiful, I am hoping when the time comes mine will be half as good. |
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| waking up... |
[Sep. 6th, 2009|09:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
Yesterday I woke up feeling amazing I don't ever feeling so great today I also feel good. I have never woken up and have felt awake. I always feel exhausted and tired throughout the day and feel better and positive. At the same time I feel like I have had this for a long time and it took me this long to make me better. |
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| chornic illness |
[Sep. 3rd, 2009|08:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
Everything has been falling apart lately I dunno... I had my second opinion appointment Monday. I have rheumatoid Arthritis and start a low dose of chemo this weekend. I am afraid of the side effects. A lot of things in my life will change. I will have to take medication the rest of my life. I will have to get blood work done every 8 weeks to monitor everything (my organs) because the medication is toxic. Its all very difficult to deal with. |
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| alone |
[Aug. 24th, 2009|04:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
I have been sick five days. I am finally seeing an end in sight. I started classes today I only have two today and finished everything by eleven so I have had nothing to really do since and have been siting in my room not really doing anything. Tomorrow I also have 2 classes but also work so it will be a busier day. The rest of the week will also be a lot busier. excluding Friday when I will actually be leaving around 11 to go home. I might be going camping though but I am not entirely sure yet. I feel pretty much comfortable with everything now. I thought I would be freaking out about everything because I got really depressed at the beginning of the semester last year. I only see mat on the weekends which is pretty much the only real bad thing about living in muncie. The loneliness is certainly there. |
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| school. |
[Aug. 19th, 2009|12:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
I am back at ball state I arrived yesterday because I had to attend a workshop about food and dinning for work. I work in Out of Bounds which is a food place downstairs. I have to do video training today at 3-5. Then I start working Thursday night. Friday I have training for being a teacher assistant. Then I will probably go home around one or two and comeback to ball state sunday morning because I work sunday 5-9:30. Yesterday was ok with the exception ofno A.C for at least two weeks. I have bad allergies and had to get the paperwork and everything so I can have one this year but they told me it would be about two weeks because there are about 400 kids in this buidling. I have everything else except my books because I have to wait until things go through to have the money to buy them. I lucked out on the moveing because everyone else moves in today and tomarrow and its choatic. Yesterday in my building only like three people moved in. I am getting used to things I don't start classes until Monday though this is my junior year so I am starting to be more then half way done with my Bachelors. |
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| stress |
[Aug. 15th, 2009|09:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
I went and saw District 9 yesterday it was amazing!!! the way it was filmed (it was set up like a documentary but at the same time included clips from the security cameras and had CGI) and the story where great too. Today was mat's niece lillies sixth birthday so we bought her a present at Veaches and went to it (it was at bowling ally ). I will be going back to Ball State Tuesday and I am not ready at all in anyway I did a little packing this week but not enough. I am not ready at all to go back. I am forcing myself to go back. Its rough I need a break I haven't had a break at all and it gets this way every fall. I normally don't have that much anxiety or an issue about going back for the spring semesters but the time between summer and fall semesters kills me. I have never took a summer off. This was as close to a free summer as I have ever had. I took two classes and didn't work. I have never not worked during the summer. So far I have never took a summer school semester off. Next summer I will be able to take a summer school semester off but I also plan to work full time to pay for my wedding which is planned for June 3, 2011. The summer I finish my Bachelors degree and me and mat's 5 year anniversary. |
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| waiting... |
[Aug. 12th, 2009|03:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
This is my last week I have been having a lot of issues with college and getting paperwork together and its stressful I have been freaking out a lot about it all. two more years and I will be done with ball state I hope unless I decide to come back for grad school which you never know. I just want things to get together. Mat wants to go to college and I am hoping I am not the reason he hasn't because he is waiting. I know he is holding off because of his car, which isn't paid off yet and he would need a full time job to pay it off. The plan is when I finish my Bachelors I will get a job and support him while he goes to school. |
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| school |
[Aug. 11th, 2009|12:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
Its getting closer to the time that I will have to go back and I don't really want to. I don't feel ready at all and I am not what so ever I still have financial aid matters to resolve and haven't packed a thing. I will be moving in the 18th and will be gone the majority of the time. I might come home on the weekends but that's only 2 days out of 7 between August and December then I will have some time in-between before I go back for the spring semester. The only nice thing about December to may is the fact I can stay home for up to 4 days out of 7. I will only have classes on Tuesday and Thursday so will stay in Muncie Tuesday Wednesday Thursday. The past few days have been me trying to avoid thinking or even doing anything related to getting ready for school. That has changed between yesterday afternoon and now. I am forcing myself to get ready because I am going back. This weekend I didn't do much, I hung out with my good friend Heather a few times which is a rare occurrence because of her work schedule. I was fitted for her wedding where i will be a bridesmaid. She also dropped off a table she didn't need which is now in my moms garage since mat's apartment is on the third floor and he and I will have to move in 3 months when the lease is up. Technically I have three homes which is pretty bad. I live with mat 2 days out of the week and live in muncie the other five days, some days I stay at my parents home. I also went school shopping with my mom and dad and siblings. I didn't actually buy anything just tagged along as they bought school stuff. My twin siblings start middle-school this year, my youngest sister will be in fifth grade and Kayla will be starting her first year in college. This will be my third year :/ which I am hoping will go well. I think I will be most excited my senior year. Other then the massive amount of stress I have about school everything else seems ok. I have been trying to help find a place for me and mat when the lease comes up. I feel its pretty much impossible at this point. |
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| This year :) |
[Aug. 5th, 2009|01:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
My schedule for August is going to be pretty busy this is what it will look like;
Monday: 9:30-9:50 Motivation and emotion
10:00-10:50 Prejudice and discrimination
Then I will be done for the day no work either :)
Tuesday: 11:00-12:15 Math
12:30- 1:45 Introduction to Philosophy
Then I work 4 to 8:30
Wednesday: 9:30-9:50 Motivation and emotion
10:00-10:50 Prejudice and discrimination
Then I will be a T.A for a General Psychology class from 6:30-9:00
Thursday: 9:30-10:20 Orientation to major
11:00-12:15 Math
12:30-1:45 Intro to Philosophy
Work 4 to 8:30
Friday: 9:30-9:50 Motivation and emotion
10:00-10:50 Prejudice and discrimination
Then done for the week.
I am also taking an internet class on top of this. So a total of 19 credit hours Next semester I will be taking 18 credit hours and 2 internet classes and 4 classes on campus but I will only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays which will be nice. I will be walking twice once this coming summer and once the following summer. This coming summer for my Associates in Early childhood education at Ivy Tech and the following year with my Bachelors in Psychology from Ball State. Then I will be off to graduate school or might just take a few years off to work to put mat through school. Mat is wanting to go to I.U so the plan is after I get my Bachelors degree in two years to move to Bloomington so mat can get his Bachelors in Computer Science. I am going to try to get into the Ed.s (school psychology) program at I.U. Either way I plan to work hopefully in a counseling center. |
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| 3 days |
[Aug. 3rd, 2009|09:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
The last three days have been a chaotic blur. I can't come to terms with going back I want to stay but I have to go back in TWO WEEKS! Friday was my great grandfather's funeral he was 96 years old and had been bound for the past two or three years maybe even longer I honestly don't remember. My sisters car's battery died so we drove her and my cousin to the funeral. We (me and mat) where actually late to the funeral because of confusion of where it was at. Afterward me and mat ate at Dairy Queen then we went to Target so mat could get none dresses clothing so we could drive straight to Noblesville. We went to a Dave Mathew's concert. It was nice but very primal people where stealing beer every where you looked someone was smoking something and drunk people where falling down the side of the incline. There was also dancing a lot of dancing. They played some of my favorites crash and satellite. They played a lot of new stuff a lot and the new saxophone player played two saxophones at once for one of the new songs. We went to Tim and Toms stood for awhile then drove back home. Saturday we went to mat's brothers house for mat's nieces birthday. Beforehand we went to Veaches and bought her a Tie dye t-shirt kit. Then we didn't really do to much afterward. Sunday we didn't really do anything at all we drove around and ended up cooking pork roast. Today I went to my grandmother's 71rst birthday. My mom made lasagna and pie it was great. Me and Mat also looked at possible home rentals since we plan to move soon. We haven't had a lot of luck finding anything though. |
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| death |
[Jul. 30th, 2009|10:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | nostalgic | ] |
I went to the calling today which was weird. I did get sad because its weird seeing someone you knew alive dead in a caskett. The last time I saw him was three of four years ago before he was real sick, before he was bed bound in a nursing home. Its been so long my great grandmother didn't recgonize me which made me sad. I also saw alot of family that I haven't seen in years for one reason or the other. I also had a presentation in Indy today over my portfolio for my ECe classes It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but it still makes me question my major. |
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| :/ |
[Jul. 28th, 2009|10:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
This week will be hectic but I know I will get through it and I haven't really been looking at the hectic side as much as I am ignoring it. I feel lazy and tired and I don't really want to go back to school or really do anything I am pretty content in what in not working, cleaning, cooking and playing housewife with the except of no money, which does suck. I will get in the routine I suppose just for the time being everything seems nice. We are going to see Dave Mathews Friday which will be pretty nice :) i have never seen him live. |
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| death |
[Jul. 27th, 2009|08:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
My great grandfather died today. |
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| bikes |
[Jul. 26th, 2009|10:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sore | ] |
I rode my bike today for the first time in probably five years. I would like to do it again sometime. I have noticed lately just this past week or so my fingers/toes will shift out of place and its fairly painful and frustrating. My assumption is its from my recent diagnose of a positive R.A factor which, my doctor says most likely means I have Rheumatoid arthritis. I have been having pain in my legs and hands for the past year or so but recently it seemed like it was getting worse and I feel with the new shifting out of place thing just adds to the chaos of it. I am getting a second opinion not sure when though my doctor wanted to start me on medication as soon as possible but I was really uncertain. I say this because the medication they would put me on I would have to take once a week and its primarily used to treat cancer patients. On top of this is the scary amount of side effects from the medication. Its really a hard decision because the pain and crippling can progress or I can destroy my kidneys and liver with the medication to slow down the pain and crippling. This is why I am consulting another doctor. My great grandmother on my dad's side had this which is where it came from and her life didn't end very well. So I am trying to be more optimistic and hope for the best. |
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